Glamour and Finals

When I watch the award shows, the temporary stars and occasional celebrities prancing in their designer togs, I understand how people have come to associate filmmaking with never-ending glamour. The reality is strikingly opposite, and those who try to inject their personal ideal of glamour into a busy film set are usually the cause of stress, anxiety and temper tantrums, none of which are at all glamourous.

When an actor arrives at work, they are asked to be "in the chair" some time earlier than they're needed on set...could be an hour before everyone else, could be five depending on the complexity of their need for what is affectionately known as "process". After the lights and camera are set and the crew is ready, the actor, now costumed and coiffured, returns to do their last rehearsal before the camera rolls. And immediately before that happens, the actor gets one last look from the hair, make-up and wardrobe departments, what is called "final touches". Ever wonder why everyone on Desperate Housewives looks perfect (and exactly the same) episode after episode? The secret is Final Touches. Imagine if we all had Final Touches right before we entered work, met that blind date or strutted into Winners?

Final Touches are only supposed to take a minute or two. The Touchers - that is, the hairstylists and make-up artists - have had hours to take the actor from hungover to hunk and the Final Touch is just a quick look to correct windblown hair or smudged lipstick. Still, some of the film world's less confident thespians have demanded up to half an hour of maintenance before stepping in front of the camera, a camera that has already been waiting for them to finish their torrid phone call and come out of their trailer to do the job for which they're over-paid. The less talent, the more upkeep required.

The rain, the snow, the wind and the very very long day all take their toll on the Touchees and, consequentially, the Touchers. I raise a glass to those who have to be on set hours before the rest of us, who have to physically touch the bodies, not to mention the egos, of the insecure starlet or boyish heartthrob on the wane. Because although the vast majority of performers are polite, affable and hard working, it is the one sociopathic cult member, yelling about a misplaced curl, who can ruin the Touchers' day. An actress who destroyed a hairdresser's workstation because she was late, another who refused to take care of her headlice, a former model who insisted on taking an hour to apply her own lipstick - these are the memories the crew takes with them. And it didn't matter how glamourous they looked.